Sunday, November 23, 2008

Toiling about Expectations...

Living a carefree life, the way I want to, the way i wanna do the stuff, the way I wanna go for my career, the way I wanna treat myself and people around me, the times I wanna smile or cry, the way I wanna crib , or study or play, like a kid...

Am I living the life my way, a carefree life or am I passing it away, just toiling about the expectations around me?

May be the second one is more appropriate in each of our lives. It starts the moment you are born, people want you to smile or laugh or do all that funny stuff, at the very time they want you to. It may insist you to think that I don't even understand the meaning of expectations... but think , isn't it that cagy when you have to stand or sit or sleep the way about.

Lets just take parents, offcourse they have thought the best for you the way they think. But may be that yours and their way of perceiving, thinking or deciding things does not go on the same path. At times you must have found urself on a cross road...when you are to choose the way out of one that goes with your desires ant the other bringing true their dreams. When you go with the thought that its your life, then may be you are being selfish. And when you try to come upto their expectations, may be you are being unfair to urself. And if there is a person like me would go with their dreams, hoping to see the contentment and happiness in their eyes, even if I have to wipe my tears off every other moment.

There are always some special ones in your life, and being special , they are on the side, when they have a right to expect something from you... and when its you who cannot let them down , here comes another burden ( not exactly burden 'coz doing doing something for them is a source of happiness), but at times it can be really difficult, when you have to smile, even if your heart is really tensed and it seems impossible to control your tears, just 'coz they expect you to be smiling and cheerful always.

You are always expected to be good and cooperative to everyone ( even if the other person isn't), to come forward with everyone or not being selfish ( even if those so called all are none but legpullers), to prove urself the best in watever sphere ( even if you have got no interest), to remember everything ( really tough for pathetic memory people :) ), to present yourself really good wherever you go (who the hell is gonna see???), to behave decently and control your emotions in a crowd around ( cannot even be urself when somebody is around ), to be with everyone (even if you feel hell lot detached), to care for everyone around ( is it really that easy as one says..?) and what not????

Doesn't it feel like a machine when you auomatically change into another person depending upon the surroundings and people around, and your behaviour, talks , thoughts, ways I mean everything blah blah blah changes so automatically and perfectly and even comfortably that even you are not able to notice it sometimes???????? no matter watsoever is going on behind...

Its so difficult to keep everyone happy na...... even after you forget urself and just think about the other one, life runs away this way only. You are always busy in coming upto everyone's expectations and forget wat actually you were and wat you desired to do........... But at times its really satisfying also, and most importantly when the other person is one whom you love.

The happiness you see in their eyes is more worthy than all your sacrifices or tears, and for this one happy moment, atleast I can give away whole life, for making the wishes of all my close n special people come true.......... And when you reside in the heart of Gaurangi,,, today or forever you have a right to expect!!!


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

स्पृहा मेरे मन की

नीले गगन में पंछियों संग उड़ना है मुझे ,
बादलों संग अठखेलियाँ करने की स्पृहा है मेरे मन की ।

गूंजा करे सारी फिजायें किलकारियों से मेरी ,
घर का हर कोना रोशन करने की स्पृहा है मेरे मन की ।

हिरनी के समान कुलांचे मारा करूँ उपवन में ,
प्रकृति के सानिध्य में खो जाने की स्पृहा है मेरे मन की ।

माँ देखे मुझे तो भर दूँ खुशियाँ उनके नयनो में ,
पिता का गर्व दीप्त मुख देखने की स्पृहा है मेरे मन की ।

उत्थान के सोपान पर चढ़ते जन है मुझे ,
सफलता के शिखर को चूमने की स्पृहा है मेरे मन की ।

माँ की गोद में मीठी नींद की ख्वाहिश है मेरी ,
स्वप्न में परियों की साक्षी बंनने की स्पृहा है मेरे मन की ।

इन्ही सपनो में जन्मने की प्रतीक्षा में थी मैं ,
की औजारों के बीच घुटने लगी स्पृहा मेरे मन की ।

ओह ! तो पिताजी के लिए बोझ बन गई हूँ मैं ,
माँ , मेरी प्यारी माँ भी समझ न सकी स्पृहा मेरे मन की ।

जब देखना ही नही चाहते मेरे इश्वर मुस्कान मेरे मुख की ,
तो शायद ही प्रार्थना में कह सकूँ उस इश्वर से स्पृहा मेरे मन की ।

भीगने लगा है , दर्द भरे आंसुओं से वदन मेरा अब ,
कोई समझे और पोंछ दे कोमल हस्तों से, यही स्पृहा है मेरे मन की।
एक बार , बस एक बार आने तो दो इस दुनिया में मुझे ,
शायद आपकी दुनिया को स्वर्ग बना दे स्पृहा मेरे मन की ।

संस्कारों से सपनों का आशियाँ सजाऊँगी मैं ,
बस भर देना झोली मेरी आशीर्वाद भरे नेह से , स्पृहा यही मेरे मन की ।

क्यारी की कोमल कली बन आपकी बगिया को मेह्कौंगी ,
बस सींचने की जगह नष्ट कर न देना स्पृहा है मेरे मन की ।

दुनिया में देश का परचम लहराऊंगी ,
उन्नति की द्योतक होंगी कन्याएं , है स्पृहा यही मेरे मन की ।

My First Tag

( v) smoked a cigarette => naaa its hazardous for health
( v) done some form dope=> nops
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(v) been in love=> not exactly but yeah, just...
( ) been dumped
( v) shoplifted => haan shayad bachpan mein, 1 sweet le li thi
( ) been fired
(v ) been in a fist fight=> wd my sis
( ) sneaked out of your parent's house
( v) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back => poor me... :(
( v) gone on a blind date=> keep shut
(v ) lied to a friend=> yesss i had to , aur koi option ni tha
( v) skipped school=> hey xcuse me i passed school wd a biiig rapo. sincere student!
(v ) seen someone die=> my grand maaa... toughest day o my life
( ) had a crush on one of your internet friends
( ) been to Singapore
( ) been to Mexico
( ) been on a plane
( ) eaten sushi
( v) been skiing-snow or water=> not yet.... bt love to
( v) met someone from the internet=> if i say this way...yes
( v) been at a concert => boring...
(v ) taken painkillers => many many many times, see im'nt that strong.
( ) love someone or miss someone right now
( v) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by => i luv it... just wen i 4get everything else
( v) made a snow angel => its so enjoyable
( v) had a tea party=> had many many parties , tea was there or not, that i dont remember
( v) flown a kite => every year.... being a true jaipurite... whole dec. , jan. is spent on terrace
(v ) built a sand castle => and dreamt o living in it
( ) gone puddle jumping
( v) played dress up=> yes yes yes... one o my fav. games (if i can say) in childhood
(v) jumped into a pile of leaves=> felt as if i was swimming
( ) gone sledding
(v ) cheated while playing=> kho kho , my best memories ever...
(v ) been lonely => yeah, and its good smtimes
(v ) fallen asleep at work/school => in many chem classes
( ) used a fake ID => i m a good girl, okay?
( v) watched the sun set => yes i luv that reddish sky
(v ) watched someone sleep => my kiddoo sis
(v ) felt an earthquake=> that bhuj one. then cudnt understand wat was that... later came to know wat a big disaster it was
( v) slept beneath the stars => childhood days nani ka ghar
(v ) been tickled=> oh many times.... n its really a mess
( ) been robbed
( v) been misunderstood => yeah, hard situations
( ) pet a reindeer/goat/kangaroo=> plzzzzzz let them b free
(v ) won a contest => here comes d ultimate ques.... God has been very very kind to me.... :)
( ) run a red light/stop sign
( v) been suspended from school=> was almost to be.... when we had a mass bunk in 12th, n principal asked us to call our parents......... 1st time in 12 years
( ) been in a car crash
( ) had braces=> needed to but...
(v ) felt like an outcast/third person=> many times
( v) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night=> not the whole pint... u see im'nt that bhukkad
( ) had deja vu
( v) danced in the moonlight => wat a beauty man....
( v) liked the way you looked => yeahhhhhhhhhh is this a ques u ask a girl?
(v ) witnessed a crime=> people crossing red lights, smoking.....
( v) questioned your heart => wenever i want answer o a really tough question
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
( v) squished mud through your bare feet => one o the cutest feeling do i have
(v ) been lost => yesssss yessss i've made a record for this in my family, thank god i remembered my phn no even wen i was 3
( ) been on the opposite side of the country
( ) swam in the ocean=> meko swimming ni aati :(
(v ) felt like dying=> yes many times
(v ) cried yourself to sleep => wd every fight.....
(v ) played cops and robbers=> yaar sab khelte h bachpan mein
(v ) recently colored with crayons => yesterday only... was making a gift for....
( ) sang karaoke
(v) paid for a meal with only coins => school canteen.... hahahaa
(v) done something you told yourself you wouldn't => this is the next step o promising myself
(v) made prank phone calls => sometimes
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose=> wwwwhat
( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue=> not that but rain drops
(v) danced in the rain => wd frens, love it
( v) a letter to Santa Claus=> ab likhna h mujhe even if santa wont consider it for my age
( ) been kissed under the mistletoe
(v ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about => wd my parents
(v) blown bubbles=> yyyyippee
( ) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
( ) gone roller skating
(v) had a wish come true => yeahh i told u no, god made me a lucky child
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) ate dog/cat food=> ate parle g which one o my fren considers as doggy's biscuits
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
(v) kissed a mirror => yes yes yes!!!
(v) sang in the shower=> i m a bathroom singer
( ) had a dream that you married someone
( ) glued your hand to something
(v) kissed a photo=> hmmm
( ) climbed a water tower
( ) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 5 hours=> not that long yaar.... just 2 hours
(v ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree=> guava
(v ) climbed a tree => nai but photo h tree par baithe hue... actually we were standing on bench hahahaaaa
( ) had a tree house=> wud love to have it
(v) been too scared to watch a scary movie alone=> not experienced yet.
( ) believe in ghosts=> naaah
( v) have more than 30 pairs of shoes => ab tak to ho hi gae honge heheee
(v) worn a really ugly outfit to school => fancy dress... 3rd std, journalist bani thi... but newspaper shop lag ri thi
( ) gone streaking
( v) gone doorbell ditching=> yeah... some gali k bachche types
( ) been pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on
( v) told you're hot by a complete stranger => road side!
( ) broken a bone
(v) been easily amused => at times especially wd kids n frens
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(v) caught a butterfly=> i luv running after butterflies even today
(v) laughed so hard you cried => hmmmm yes... tears with laughter... beautiful moments
(v ) cried so hard you laughed => i've not even seen anybody like that
(v) cheated on a test => haan yaar, people calling from all sides types
(v) forgotten some one's name=> i've got a good memory
( v) French braided some one's hair=> tried to... but pata ni kya ban gaya tha
(v) gone skinny dipping in a pool/hot tub/river=>yes
(v ) been threatened to be kicked out of your house or been kicked out of your house=> yeah bachpan mein... dad made me stand outside house for 15 min, pata ni kya kiya tha
( ) loved someone so much you would gladly die for=> ohhhhh
( ) cheated on
(v) talk to yourself when no one's around=> haan ji
( ) hate someone you once loved
( v) love someone you once hated=> yeah
(v) kissed the phone for the person on the other side => yes i did but dont ask for whom!
(v) kissed the person on the other side of the phone=> yup

Thursday, September 18, 2008


सोचा करती हूँ मैं क्या होती है खुशी,
क्यों खेला करती है कभी होठों पर शरारत भरी हँसी
माँ की गोद में मिला सुकून है खुशी ,
तो दोस्त के गले लगने में भरा जज्बात भी है खुशी ।
सच्चे दिल से निकली प्रार्थना दे जाती है खुशी ,
तो नन्हे की एक मुस्कान भी आँखों में भर देती है खुशी ।
कभी प्यारी कली की खूबसूरती दे जाती है खुशी ,
तो सतरंगी गगन में स्वप्नों की उड़ान भी दे जाती है खुशी ।
सफलता के सोपान चढ़ते जाना है खुशी ,
तो झुककर गिरते को संभालना भी है खुशी
प्रकृति का अनुपम सानिध्य भर देता है सुकून भरी खुशी ,
तो अपनी कृति को अपलक निहारना भी है खुशी ।
दृढ़ता भरी जीत तो दे ही जाती है खुशी ,
पर मुस्कान भरी हार भी तो दे जाती है खुशी ।
बिछडे दोस्त को पाना है खुशी,
पर शत्रु के संग मुस्कुराना भी तो है खुशी ।
तिनका तिनका जोड़ रिश्तों का आशियाँ बनाना है खुशी ,
और अपनों के साथ वक्त बिताना भी है खुशी ।
प्यार पाना तो सभी को दे जाता है खुशी ,
पर प्यार लुटाने की सच्ची साक्षी है खुशी ।
झलका करती सिर्फ़ मुस्कान में ही नहीं ,
आंखों से निकले मोतियों का नाम भी है खुशी ।
क्यों भटका करते हैं हम खुशी की खोज में ,
जब ज़िन्दगी के हर पल में समाई है खुशी ....

Friday, August 8, 2008

The Mighty World of Righties

This enormous globe belongs to the righties, constituting 99% of the population among humans, having all the machines designed for their convenience. Did they ever stop and think about those 1% sinistrals who are just trying to adjust in their big world in their whole life.
From the smallest of the tool like a screw driver , to a motor and all those big and heavy machines are there to be used right handedly. And just imagine , a little computer mouse or a pair of scissors and a left handed child trying to hold them for the first time.....
I've experienced that inconvenience and I can really feel the way that child would think, realising , that all these things are not meant for him, for the way he works. And may be sometimes he's innocent enough to feel , that there might be some problem with him, even if there isn't.
And if he's a person like me, he would actually go for forgetting all these troubles and start working the way, NORMAL people would do.
Please give me an opinion , do you also think , being left handed, is something like a wonder, or any punishment or in general words any disability???
Well ahead, I have found some positive facts which may nullify some of the regrets...
Lefties have got their own creative ways of thinking and working. With all my knowledge of human analogy, the right and left portions of brain control the activities of opposite sides and its right segment is responsible for emotions, memory, creativity and things like that. May be that plays the part.
Well and good here I remember a few names like Albert Einstein, Leonardo da vinci, Amitabh Bachchan, Sachin Tendulkar and many more , who are the Gods of their fields, and offcourse have got a different way of thinking than the rest of the world.
And a real good advantage.... they learn to use both their hands in order to survive and grow.... including using all devices meant for righties, in the way world works and rest of their jobs in their way.........
But I still dont know why my mother would never like her daughter having meals with left hand.... and after a lot tough practice, i fulfilled her wish :)
Well Im here happily trying my level best to perform well, overcoming all the difficulties ppl like me always have to suffer..............
But i still have something to say...
" Didn't all these big men , ever realize the problems..... and try to sort them out? "

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

My place...

Aug 4,
Happy day after a long tough time, finally I am settled...
Settled in the sense of getting a path , for making my dreams come true...
" we are a BIT ahead..."
The motto of my new institution....BIT, which is more than a bit on my dream of studying in IIT. Chalo koi nai i'll adjust, just 'b' has replaced 'i'... :)
Whole day went in searching a familiar friendly face among lotta ones. Felt as if somebody has left an immature swimmer to survive in a ocean, felt as if I were a kid , again being admitted in Nursery... this time with some less supporters.
electronic equipments in lab seemed like toys,... tough toys, just wanted to play with them, like a kid. Only computer lab seemed somewhat mine, coz it had some familiar but advanced toys.
people said some had ragging last year, but didn't face anything like it.... on the contrary , the anchor in the introduction ceremony said " Ragging is prohibited in BIT..."
Rewarding them as polite supporting seniors...
Also went in library , didn't find more than 5- 10 books, with pages less than 500... All on engineering... psychology.... biotechnology...
I was scared no.... p . p . p
But seriously there I found class professionals, technocrats, all so cooperative. The way they welcomed us to bit family, was something that really insisted me to hold the prestige of this institution. The way these people stressed on all round development from the very first day in each discipline has really grown in me a lotta confidence to achieve my aim & a wish to have successful career and a self satisfying but peaceful life....
Luving this place....
My place...

Monday, July 21, 2008

A Mould That Transformed Me...

Hereby I'm getting the sweetest words ever listened,
"Friendship is a mould that transforms you..."
I must have not understood the meaning when i heard these, but my li'l mind somehow managed to remember these, may be for today, when i would understand these...
Well , can be fairly said, my friends made me what i am, and friends here not only include smarty teenagers like me, just mean everyone, who could understand me, who could change me. And yes i feel, every relation grows mature and beautiful with a friendship in it.
Its even hard to imagine what I had always been, a silly, moody, rude, short tempered, complicated, snobbish girl, from whom everyone was terrified ( I dunno why???) , no one would ever know what she would do... anytime... Who was always dissatisfied with herself, always unhappy, for no reason... Who considered herself responsible, as in everyone is sad 'coz of her.... Who always blamed God, for he had been unfair while writing happiness in her fate... even without realising that only she could bring it to herself.

And then things started changing........ Suddenly God started seeming more sweet and kind than ever, and suddenly world started appearing a happier place to live in..........
Know why???
'Coz friends made me realize that if I was happy the world would also be happy.
I don't know how it happened, how they became more special than ever , and started influencing me, more than they ever did......
And their fair and kind ways started transforming that silly girl into "ME"....
even though I am silly today also... but cuter than ever...
How can I just forget, those sweetest people alwayz reminding me that I was always good, but had just forgotten to realize the beautiful side of my heart, making me feel that they were and will always be there with me , for me ....
I can still not believe that they developed such positiveness in me, that now I always find happiness in everything. How could they manage to hold me, when I would shatter down with so many defeats together. I may be calling them defeats here, but now I strongly believe , that whatsoever happens is for good.
I never know , how they understand my silent tears and take no time to transform them into smiles. I dont know , why im not feeling bad about the fact, that we are now far away, cant even talk or meet that often...
even though I m missing them, but my heart says that distance or time would not separate us.
I dont know how it happens, my peaks of tensions, problems....... whatsoever , vanishes by just hearing a word from them. And that single word inspires me to do something that brings a smile to every face.
Well my friends inspired me to accept the ups and downs in life with the same spirit as life would never go straight, believing that everything has got something good in it, putting down my bi-i-ig ego , as they think one can never go with it, to smile ALWAYS , 'coz they would be happy if I am smiling , seeing dreams and making them come true...
They made me believe in myself ad ppl around me , to do what i think is right... just inspired me to do all those things, that otherwise I wont do... and yes they told me wenever I would be sad or gray, they would be there to listen to whatever i say...
And the sweetest of the things, they treat me like a "BACHCHI", and I luv that...
So in short, they always tell me to study ( even if they are not doing .p.) , to play , to enjoy the life, to miss them (otherwise they gonna kill me), to be happy, to smile and to make others smile, to eat fast ( main thoda dheere dheere khati peeti hoon lol), to make a lotta cards ( for them .p.), to write a lotta letters ( even though they dont reply : ( ...) , to grow up, to stop disturbing God for almost everything, they are there for that, to be patient, to be true.
But saale , hain bahut BUTTAMEASE, NAUTANKI bahut karte h,,, kuch kaho to FEEL karke rone lag jate h... Mujhko ulta-pulta bolna bhi sikha diya, thodi gaaliyan bhi sikha di, aur ab khud hi daante hain... rone bhi nai dete chen se, college k liye instructions dete rehte h, aur pata nai kya kya karte h!!!
Jokes apart, I really feel myself lucky, that I got them and became the one, whom everyone loves and many a get inspired... The way now I m treated, makes me salute them and I am not exaggerating while saying that they made me what I luv about myself.
I love u DOSTLOG and really really feel like giving u happiness if this li'l girl can actually do... but I m trying.